Please Pass the Charmin

I’ve done my fair share of wrapping houses over the years. I used to tag along with my older siblings whenever my mom was driving them around town late on Friday nights to wrap, and was sometimes lucky enough to actually get out of the car and throw some paper around. I was in elementary school at the time. By the time I was in sixth grade I had moved on to wrapping my own friend’s houses. We did it often and were very good at it. It was the highlight of our weekends all through junior high and sometimes high school.

I think my mom enjoyed the house wrapping as much as we did. She taught me almost everything I know, which I have since proudly passed on to my own kids. Thanks, Mom!

My mom offered great tips on being sneaky and how to avoid getting caught. We always did a surveillance drive by of the target house to see if any lights were still on and to strategically plan the best escape route. She would shut her headlights off and park down the street before letting us out. We weren’t allowed to shut the car door. We had to push on them until they clicked shut while she held her hand over the dome light trying to keep the inside of the car dark. I’m telling you, we took our house wrapping seriously. We were only supposed to whisper, but that was never an easy task for a group of excited sixth grade girls with adrenaline rushing through our veins. She almost always refused to let us wrap a house if they had a dog. If a car was coming we were supposed to duck down behind whatever we were standing closest to (a car, a bush, a boat, etc.) until it passed. If a porch light turned or a door opened, (which was known to happen from time to time, especially considering we always ended up with at least one loud talker in the group) it was definitely time to run for the car, without looking back, and pile in as quickly as possible.

Whenever we did get caught we would drive off as quickly as possible. That was sometimes difficult since there would usually be at least one slow runner in the group. We always drove around the neighborhood for a while before returning to the crime scene to see if anyone was still looking for us or if they’d started the clean up. Good times!

Not only did my mom enjoy driving us around to wrap houses, she was notorious for catching people in the act of wrapping ours and she loved doing that, too. Between the three of us, our house got wrapped quite often during our teen years. She was a night owl and was usually up late watching TV. She would hear noises, (trust me, the woman has amazing hearing) and turn the TV down. It was usually obvious to her what was going on. She would peer out of the sheer curtains in the living room to confirm her suspicions (a yard full of kids throwing rolls of toilet paper up into our trees) then she would quietly step out into our garage, go through the back yard and along the side of the house all while wearing her infamous moomoo night gown. She was like a spirit in the night, never making a noise, gliding down the driveway right up behind the kids. She was so quiet that no one would notice her until she was literally right on top of them. Eventually, some kid would turn around to find her standing right there watching them and freak out. They would take off running like lightning for their getaway car. She just loved catching the kids. Did I mention before that she was very sneaky?

I definitely passed everything I learned onto my kids. One night when Lauren was in junior high I was up late, in our front room on the computer with all of the lights off. I thought I heard something so I walked to the window and looked out. I saw long strips of toilet paper blowing in the wind from our tree. Then I saw some movement in the front yard and knew exactly what was going on and that the culprits were still here. I immediately ran into wake Lauren. We both dressed in record time and headed to the front door. We were so going to scare them. I briefed her on the game plan and then promptly yanked open the front door. Lauren and I started chasing a group of girls through our front yard. They ran to a parked get away van and drove off quickly.

We knew immediately who it was. She lived one street over from us, so we jumped into the car with an armful of toilet paper and wrapped her house in retaliation. Hey, I’m basically a professional so we did a pretty good job for it just being the two of us.

In attempt to finish our house, they drove back by after we’d caught them. I saw their van drive past and told Lauren it was time to run. Our street connects to her street so I knew we only had a minute to make it back to the car. We made it to the car and as they came around the corner from our street I decided we would chase after them. We followed them flashing our lights and after a while they finally pulled over. In the end, Lauren and I got into their van and joined forces with all of them to wrap a few more houses before returning home very late into the night. It was so much fun.

I must admit that I still enjoy wrapping houses and the big adrenaline rush that comes with it and have taught my kids almost everything they know………….

They did learn one thing on their own and that is “forking houses”, which I am told is where you buy like 50 plastic forks and stick them into the front yard, in addition to wrapping the house.

These are photos from last night’s escapade. Cassidy and Caden had friends stay the night. Lauren, Boogie and Ashley (Lauren’s roommate) took them wrapping. They did four houses, including my sister’s. My nephews chased them down the street and literally caught Lauren by the arm before they could make their escape. Bahahahahahaha!

I am so proud that my kids are carrying on the family tradition!








P.S. Does Cassidy's friend (on the left) look like Haley Joel Osment or what?

Little Seizure

When we pulled into the driveway today the neighbor kids were in the street playing. They’re fairly new to the neighborhood and I’m still learning their names. I commented on how well behaved they were and asked Caden what the youngest boy's name was. He said, “Seizure”. I said, “You mean Cesar?”

I started to explain what a seizure was but he stopped me and said he already knew but had just gotten mixed up.

The Little Bird Who Flew Away (Around the Corner)

Lauren moved out two weeks ago. We knew she was probably moving away in August, but this was sudden and came out of nowhere. She went swimming with a friend one Wednesday afternoon at some apartments near our house, which is also near the college she attends. She came home with two girls we’d never met before and announced that “Ashley” was her new roommate. They'd met through their mutual friend, Cassie, at the pool that afternoon. (Yeah, you heard that right, they JUST met that day but they were planning on being roommates). Ashley’s roommate had jumped ship on her mid-lease and she had an extra bedroom/bathroom up for grabs. Needless to say we (I) didn’t take her serious. Well, that is until Friday afternoon when I arrived home to find Lauren, Cassidy and one of Cassidy’s friends carrying arm loads of clothes out to Lauren’s car. I kind of felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

Yes, I know she's 20-years-old and all but she's still my baby girl. (Granted, my very mature and stubborn as a mule baby girl). I know I got married at age 12 and all (okay, maybe I wasn’t actually 12, but I was pretty damn young) and by the time I was her age already had a two-year-old and had lived in California and Korea for crying out loud, but that was different. That was me and this is her. Too many things can happen out there! Does anyone else watch Court TV? (Oops, I mean TruTV?)

Anyhow, back to my story. So, on Friday she had moved all of her small stuff out while I followed her around the house telling her there was no need for her to move out, she had no rules at home, she had it made here, she had her freedom coming and going as she pleased without the financial strain of being on her own, that it was a big (huge) mistake for her to do this, to just wait until August to do anything, etc. Well, obviously that fell upon deaf ears.

That night we went out to eat for Caden’s birthday and on the way home she wanted us to stop by and see her new home. I was impressed with the apartment and her roommate seems really nice.

By Saturday afternoon her dad was moving her big furniture out and I was staring at a half empty room wondering how I was going to deal with one bird leaving the nest.

There are definitely pros and cons to this situation.

Pros:
An extra bedroom (with a walk-in closet) to be used for whatever we (I) please
A guest room (with cable TV!)
Less laundry
Less dirty dishes
Extra closet space
No dirty pizza pans in the sink when I come home for lunch
More closet space (did I already mention that?)
I have lots more home alone time when I work my two half days
She’s less than a mile away and still drops in on us at all hours

Cons:
I miss her (Ok, I admit that she drove me absolutely crazy when she was here but I still miss her)
I can’t wake up at 2am and open her bedroom door to make sure she’s safely in her bed or peer through the garage window to see if her car is in the driveway and know that she made it home safely
I worry about her midnight runs to Wal-Mart and her walking to her apartment door alone verses pulling into our driveway and being 10 feet away from the door
I just worry about her in general and it totally sucks

For instance, I got pretty worked up Thursday night because she had a camping weekend planned and she decided to leave at midnight for a three and a half hour drive ALONE. She arrived at her destination at around 4am. I still pay her car note and insurance (among other things) and can always pull that trump card on her, but I don’t want to have to do that. I just want her to be smart and to be safe and for some reason, even with her freedom when she lived here, I felt like I still had her safety under control. This is a whole new world for me. I’m not so sure that I like that my little bird has left the nest, and I dread the fact that there are two more who will spread their wings before I know it. Sigh.

By the way, she has a new boyfriend. They went to high school together but were always just friends until now. We knew of him because he was a star athlete and everyone in this town knew of him, but we’d never officially met him until she brought him by the house the other night. He has a nickname and that is what he is known by. I don’t think anyone knows his given name. It was kind of funny for me when I offered him a drink. “Boogie, would you like something to drink?” Yes, I said BOOGIE and kept a straight face.

Happy Birthday, Caden!

Happy 12th Birthday, Caden!

Charlie Bit Me

My girls showed me this yesterday. We played it over and over and couldn't stop laughing. The British accent is just adorable.

Click here to see Charlie in action.

Edited to add:

The Charlie Re-Mix

Oh, Such Pretty Jeans

Whenever my sister-in-law cleans out her closet, I often receive a bag of clothes to rummage through to see if I want anything before they end up in a clothing donation bin. She has some really nice clothes and I'm not too proud to accept the kind donation. There are often things that just aren't my style but I have gotten some nice things from her.

Recently, Lauren returned home from visiting her aunt with a bag of clothes for me. These jeans were in the bag. I'm not quite sure what the story is behind them. I wondered if she had come across some of her old clothes from the 80's or something. If only I still had my Ropers I could wear them with the ones that look like chaps to the Rodeo, and the baseball ones would show my team spirit at an Astros game. Ha! Needless to say the jeans eventually made their way to Goodwill. It's hard for me to imagine my sister-in-law actually wearing them. I'm tempted to ask her if she ever actually wore them in public but don't want her to cut me off of the hand-me-down recipient list.

Seeing these jeans reminded me of a joke I once played on my friend, Vicki, when I visited her in Michigan a few years ago. Someone near and dear to me (no names mentioned) bought me a sweatshirt for Christmas that year. It was a nice sweatshirt (for an eighty-year-old grandmother) but it was so not for me. It was navy blue with three big, brightly decorated Christmas trees across the front. It had a high collar, was somewhat gawdy and very grandmotherly looking. A pair of blinking Rudolph earrings would've been a great way to further accent the flashiness of the shirt. I know, I know, it's the thought that counts, but really, she shouldn’t have! It was definitely a white elephant kind of gift that was sure to find itself in my next garage sale. I believe it came from the Dollar Store. Hey, I love the Dollar Store and all, I'm just saying........

So, as I was packing for my trip to Michigan I decided to pack the sweatshirt that still had the tags attached and give it to Vicki as a "gift". After I got there and settled in, I took it out of my suitcase. I took a good look at it before folding it back up and preparing to give it to her with a straight face. I went to her room and told her that I had brought her something. I handed it to her and she slowly unfolded it. I was totally expecting her to put on an academy award winning performance, you know, trying to act all grateful and pleased with my generosity (kind of like I did when I got it). I was actually surprised when she immediately burst into laughter. She never even hesitated before cracking up. I didn’t even get a forced or obligatory thank you. I kept asking her, “But, what if it hadn’t been a joke? What if I had been serious? Wouldn’t you feel bad?” She kept saying there was no question in her mind as soon as she saw it. I told you it was gawdy.

In the end I think the shirt eventually made its way back to Texas and was re-gifted to someone in her family as a joke. Who knows where it is now. I hope it finally found an appreciative owner in a retirement home somewhere.

My BFF's

Teresa (Teedee)is in town from Atlanta so we had a little reunion last night. Me, Teedee and Carla met for dinner and had a blast. Is it possible to laugh yourself sick? My side still hurts from all the laughter. I just wish we could've had a slumber party and pulled an "all nighter" because three hours was just not enough time, but missing work today was not an option for me or Carla. Besides, Teresa had to get back to her mom's and her new baby girl. (She's lactating!)

We always pick right back up where we left off, without missing a beat. We have so much history and awesome memories of growing up together. I love these girls. We're planning a trip in November 2009 for our 40th birthdays. We just haven't decided where we're going yet, but it doesn't matter. We could have fun together in a brown paper sack.

Monsters Among Us

An old friend called me last night to tell me that another old friend had been fatally wounded in an attempted car jacking on Wednesday. I had heard about it on the news for the past several days and even read the news article online, but didn’t recognize the name because they were using her married name.

I haven’t seen her in over twenty years, but it still broke my heart when I heard it was Tina. We grew up together attending the same church and schools. She was such a nice person with the biggest brown eyes and great big smile.

I can only imagine how terrified she was, fighting to keep them from driving off with her baby in the car. I'm sure she would've gladly given up those keys without a fight if she'd been alone that day. It makes me so sad to think that this is how her life ended. This was so senseless.

This is just another reason why I believe in the death penalty. It makes it even worse that the two suspects were illegal aliens. According to news reports, they had been on a crime spree around the city (some of which is caught on video, along with the attack on Tina) and were already driving a stolen car when they attempted to take hers. I hope they catch the POS killer before he makes it back to Mexico, where they will protect him. This is Texas, where we believe in and practice an eye for an eye.

RIP, Tina.

Local News Story

One Suspect in Custody

Obituary


Escoto was arrested in September for trespassing and served 75 days in jail.

Rios was charged with possession of marijuana in May 2007 and served 10 days in jail. In June 2007 he was charged with criminal mischief and failure to identify himself to a police officer and served 30 days in jail.

It's hard to swallow the fact that no one (ummm, like the INS authorities) bothered to send these two back to Mexico when they were arrested back in 2007. From what I hear, that seems to be pretty standard practice, unless they're charged with a felony. So, they served their jail time last year and were allowed to stick around here and take an innocent life. It's hard to comprehend an illegal alien being released from jail, free and clear to continue breaking our laws. I just can't believe they were both in jail last year and allowed to walk right back out onto our streets. All because they hadn't yet committed a "felony", so we just allow them to stay until they do.

The following is a quote from an officer regarding the driver of the car.

"Escoto may also be charged with murder, under Texas' "law of parties," which makes a getaway driver "just as guilty" as the murderer."

That is good to know.

The Poor Lip

I was in Burke's when the nurse called to inform me that Caden had been hit in the lip with a plastic bat during P.E. The bleeding had stopped but he had a headache and stomach ache and she thought he needed to come home. According to the nurse, the swelling has gone down some.

I got him a slush at Sonic on the way home and gave him some Ibuprofen for the pain. It's throbbing and he's not a happy camper. I'm not good at dealing with injuries. I'm glad the bleeding stopped before I got to him.

He wanted me to tell his dad that he got into a fight but it was too late. I had already spilled the beans on the way to the school.

The nurse wasn't sure about stitches. The gash is pretty deep but I would think as long as the bleeding has stopped, he shouldn't need them. I think I will wait for his dad to come home for lunch to get a second opinion on whether this warrants a trip to the doctor. At this point, I think it's just a nasty busted lip that needs an ice pack.

This brings back the memory of me walking right into the path of my sister swinging a bat when I was five-years-old. I had a gaping hole in my lip that would not stop gushing blood. I remember my mom holding cup towels over my face all the way to the E.R. I ended up with stitches and a nice scar. My sister was more traumatized than I was and still feels guilty about it to this day.

Mandy the Mannequin

My boss brought Mandy to work two weeks ago and I'm still not used to her being there. Every time I open the office door I jump because she is the first thing I see sitting there on the couch. When I am at my desk her head is turned directly towards me. It's kind of creepy.

I asked him if he strapped her into his passenger seat and buckled her in. He said no, he just threw her across the backseat. We joked about how he could've used the HOV lane if he had thought about it.

He brought her to use in our display window. He would like to arrange her in a chair sitting among a bunch of empty beer bottles with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and some kind of anti-drug message to the kids.

Did I mention how creepy it is to have her staring at the back of my head all day?

By the way, she is wearing a pair of $400 shoes. Her original owner was somewhat wealthy and dressed her well. He used her to sit in front of a TV by a window in his house so it would appear someone was home when he was traveling. Personally, I prefer my two watch dogs.

April Fools Part II

Please first read the previous entry (below), as they go together.

We had an eventful evening at our house tonight. I took Cassidy to the ballpark then came back home. Les and Caden were watching a movie. Caden was sick with a monstrous stomach virus last week that really kicked his butt (literally), and he missed five days of school. He has tons of make up work to do. I had gotten some of his schoolwork on Thursday so he could get a head start on it over the weekend, but he still has some left to do. As soon I saw him in front of the TV I asked him if he had done his homework and he assured me that he had. So, we watched the movie.

After dinner and the movie I told him to start getting ready for bed. He did. Then he came back into the living room in a typical Caden total panic mode whining about how he still had eight pages of homework left to do. In an instant I was almost shaking and about to blow a gasket, which is not uncommon for me over things such as this. I had flat out asked him about the homework and he said he was done. I was pissed, really pissed and was about to start a ten minute ranting and raving session when he said, “April Fools”! He, like his sister, was very convincing. Once my blood pressure finally got back to normal I was able to laugh and tell him that he’d gotten me good.

When I picked Cassidy back up from the ballpark I told her about Caden’s prank and she thought it was funny. She told me that she had also tricked her entire tennis team into thinking they had to run laps because someone did something to get them in trouble and they all believed her. I was pretty impressed, but little did I know the best was yet to come.

She told me she had a really good prank to play on me but now that Caden had just gotten me she didn’t think I would believe her. I had to coax her into finally telling me what she had planned to do. OMG, it was a good one, too. So, she and I decided that we would play it on her dad instead. I knew he would never ever suspect that it was an April Fools joke. It was that good.

We got home and she fed the dogs and swept the kitchen. I kept waiting on her to move forward with the plan we had come up with in the car but she kept stalling. I went into the garage to do some laundry and she followed me out there. She told me she wasn’t sure she could do it without laughing and that she was scared. I didn’t blame her. As we started talking about it we both started laughing hard and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to keep a straight face either. Finally, I just went for it, knowing I had to keep it together. He was on the couch watching TV and it was getting late. It was now or never. So, I opened the door but she didn’t follow me in. I walked over to him and dropped a piece of paper down in his lap and said something like you’re never going to believe this. Then I started walking around the living room mumbling that I couldn’t freaking believe this and acting like I was ready to kill Cassidy while he read the paper. I walked back to the garage and said, “You better get your butt in here”. He was now sitting there and had a completely shocked and pissed off look on his face. She sat down in the chair and I sat down on the other couch. We both kept putting our hands over our eyes and faces looking down to keep from laughing. She had to act scared and I had to act mad. I asked her what she was thinking doing something like that and he asked her to explain exactly what had happened.

Okay, now I finally have to tell you what was on the paper. It was a real detention slip from her school signed by her teacher. It was official and it said that she had received detention for flipping off another student and yelling across the room. So, by now Les is pretty angry but he is so stunned I don’t think he knew exactly how to react. She has NEVER been in any trouble since she started school. NEVER. So, he tells her to explain to him exactly what happened. She tells him that they were having a big political debate and that this one kid was saying that he didn’t believe in God and that it just made her really angry. She said I’m sorry, I just got so mad. I made some comments like, “So what, that doesn’t give you the right to shoot the finger at him”. She would hang her head in shame and apologize and say she knows but she was just so mad. Let me add that Lauren heard the commotion so she came out of her room and was already aware that this was a joke. What she was not aware of was that I now knew. She still thought the original plan was in action. She was in the kitchen and said she had to get down on the floor and bury her face in her shirt to keep from laughing out loud.

Les got up and started pacing the living room floor and telling Cassidy that she had made all of us look bad by what she had done. He was going on about how Lauren works at her school, I also work at her school, that Caden will be going there next year, that he is a police officer and he doesn’t want people to associate our name with bad things like what she had done. The whole thing went on for several minutes and it took everything I had to keep from busting a gut. Every time I looked at Cassidy I could see the corners of her mouth curling up and how hard she was fighting a big grin, but we were both hanging in there. Right after he finished his speech about our family name and reputation we looked at each other and could no longer contain our laughter. We both just cracked up and Les was absolutely blown away once he realized it was an April Fools joke.

He literally bent over and slapped his forehead and was speechless. He just kept shaking his head but didn’t know what to say. Lauren came running out of the kitchen totally cracking up. Caden came running out of his room to see what all the commotion was about. OMG, it was priceless. Once he got over the fact that we got him, he said he couldn’t believe we hadn’t video taped it. I so wish we had. Cassidy kept high-fiving me and telling me what a good job I had done. Lauren couldn’t believe that I knew ahead of time. She thought I was really mad, too. Maybe I’ve actually got some acting ability, too.

I still can’t quit laughing every time I think about it. I’ll never forget his face when he realized it was a joke. This was a classic. Can you believe her teacher was cool enough to write that out for her making it so “official”? We will be laughing about this for a long time.

We have decided that Cassidy will be on lock-down next April 1st! We might have to chain her to her bed and muzzle her but she just can’t be trusted to leave this house or talk to anyone.

Check out the official detention slip. Bahahahaha!!!

April Fools

I worked at the junior high today and ran into one of Cassidy’s tennis coaches. She stopped me and said, “Your daughter was bad, bad, bad this morning”. I couldn’t believe my ears. Cassidy might not be perfect at home, but we've never heard a negative word about her from one single teacher since she started school. As a matter of fact, they usually rave about her being a great student and often compliment her excellent behavior. I always wonder if they're talking about the same kid. Ha! So, needless to say, I was stunned and not sure what she could've possibly done.

She proceeded to tell me that Cassidy came to school this morning with her arm wrapped in an ace bandage and informed her two tennis coaches that she had been injured playing football yesterday. She told them she wasn’t going to be able to play for the remainder of the season. The coach said she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was very upset because she had just gotten all of the tennis teams matched up with their partners (after stressing over it) and that her being injured would mess her plan all up. Cassidy eventually unwrapped her bandage and they realized it was a big joke. I was told that she put on a very, very convincing performance. That's my girl!

By the way, I found our first aid basket on her bedroom floor where she left it after rummaging through it for her props.

She hasn’t gotten home yet from school. I sure would love to pull a good one on her and am racking my brain. Hmmm....maybe I’ll tell her I’m pregnant.
(KNOCK ON WOOD!!)

Edited to add: I just heard Cassidy's version of the story.
She had it all planned out and apparently put a lot of thought into it yesterday. I usually drive her every morning but her dad took her today. Otherwise, I would've been in on this little prank ahead of time. So, she wrapped her arm before she left and went to athletics before school. She told her coaches that she had sprained her arm playing football. They wanted to know if she had gone to the doctor and what he had said. She said yes and that it was a sprain and that she couldn't play for three weeks. Her tennis partner got very upset because now she wouldn't have a partner and she didn't want to play singles. Cassidy had them all going and waited a few minutes before she unwrapped her bandage. Then she slowly waved her arm back and forth in the air at them and started laughing. They couldn't believe how well she had fooled them. I might have her take up acting.

The Sneeze

We had a surprise retirement party for my dad today. It was great seeing all of my aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family. Everyone had a great time.

We were taking pictures of my grandma with all of the great grandchildren. Click on each picture to enlarge it and get the full effect. Watch my son, Caden (in the very center). You can see by his facial expression that a sneeze is coming. Poor Jordan was right in his line of fire. (Not that she even had a clue). Cassidy totally cracks up and the 22-year-old (he's the ring leader) can't stop laughing. He's a mess!

Trevin is the one hugging my grandma who never, ever cracks a smile. He's a sweetheart but you sure can't tell from the pictures.

Oh, and the reason everyone is looking in different directions is because we had two or three people snapping pictures at the same time.

Isn't Lauren's new hair style cute? She hasn't had short hair since her ninth grade year.

Happy retirement, Dad!

The End of a Long but Fun Day

Did I mention how much walking was involved? Or how crowded it was? The shows were awesome. Now I want a sea lion. I'm not so sure I could handle a killer whale but I'd sure love to pet one.

We got to the shows early enough to get good seats. The kids preferred being in the splash zone but us adults opted for higher, dryer ground. We were truly amazed as we watched the rows of seats begin to fill up, only to have a large groups of people rush in at the last minute trying to get people to let them squeeze in to a tiny space on their row. The ones who just forced their way in and plopped down made the other people extremely crowded. At first we thought it was just one group who had a lot of nerve, but we watched in disbelief as it happened over and over at each show. You should've seen the tiny spaces that people were trying to cram into. My brother and I had a small space between us because he was holding his son at the moment. One man asked me if he and his son could sit there and I told him it was taken. There were plenty of empty rows up higher. Why should we have to sit like sardines when these people come in at the last minute and want to be up close?

We had a very good time in spite of my whining. Someone was so worn out he managed to catch a few ZZZZ's at the sand pit. Boy, he sure can snore! Not that I have any room to talk.

The Entertaining Sea Lions

Having fun at Sea World

(Cassidy & Caden, my nieces Taylor and Jordan, my nephew Ethan hiding in there somewhere, my brother and sister-in-law and Les behind the camera)

Sea World - Shamu

Kids Say the Darndest Things

On the way to baseball practice and after passing the new police station, the following conversation transpired between my husband, Les, and my son, Caden.

Caden: Wow, that’s a pretty big police station.

Les: Yes, it sure is. It is nice.

Caden: I wonder how many people are in there.

Les: I don’t know, they’re probably all working.

Caden: No, I mean bad guys, guys that are in jail.

Les: I don’t know, probably less than ten. You know, I’ve been to the DP jail before and I’ve never seen more than two people in their jail.

Caden: Y’all get a lot in your jail, don’t you?

Les: Yes, it’s usually between thirty and forty people.

Caden: Do they ever cuss at you or spit on you?

Les: No, they’re usually pretty quiet, except for the drunk ones.

Caden: They sell beer in jail?

Les: No, you big dork, they’re in jail because they’re drunk. I’m calling and telling your mom what you just said!

Caden: No, don’t! Please don’t!

One can only wonder if there would be less instances of “resisting arrest” if they actually sold beer in jail.

Happy 20th Birthday, Lauren!

I cannot believe that I now have a 20 year-old. I'm not so sure I like the sound of that, but will have to get used to it.

Where has the time gone? It has truly passed in the blink of an eye. It seems like yesterday when you were toddling around the house and learning to talk. (Once you learned you have never shut up!)

I can still hear your little voice naming all of the animals and making their sounds. I had so much fun teaching you those things. I still remember you getting excited over seeing a bird, airplane or even a balloon, and learning your colors and shapes. I can still hear you singing the nursery rhymes that I listened to over and over in the car with you. I remember how incredibly smart you were. (And I'm not just saying that because I'm your mom!) You spoke in complete sentences at 14 months of age.

I remember how stubborn you became and our arguments over what you would (or would not) wear to school. I remember when I could no longer play Barbies with you because you were so bossy you would tell me exactly what my Barbie had to say and do. I remember Aunt Peggy buying me a copy of "The Strong Willed Child". Ha! I remember needing reinforcements to get medicine down your throat.

I remember how terrified you were of heights. I remember it being just you and me when Dad would be away for weeks or months at a time. We had no family up the road, it was just the two or three of us for so many years in California, Korea and Hawaii.

Look at you now! You are such an awesome big sister to the kids. They love you so much and look up to you. I know you will always be their role model.

We love you, Nawen, and we hope 20 is a wonderful year for you. Keep being YOU! You have made us very proud. You are a very bright, independent and beautiful young woman, both inside and out.

Happy Birthday!

This World is Just Crawling with Pat's

I often have "Pat" encounters and have even done a previous entry on Cassidy's first Pat experience. It's rare that I ever have to interact with these Pat's, but I've come face to face with two of them since starting my new job.

I work for the voluntary drug-testing program at our local high school. Each week we administer 75 random drug tests to students enrolled in the program. During the drug testing, I sit at a table across the hall from the boy’s restroom and around the corner from the girl’s restroom. I check the students in as they come and go and also make sure no one jumps ship.

We use one drug testing company for the process and they send the same male and female specimen collector to our location each week. Joe is the male collector. He's seventy years old and we sometimes chat in between groups of students coming and going. He's really a nice man with a good personality.

My first Pat experience at the job was a few weeks ago when a student with long hair approached the table to check in. I assumed it was a longhaired boy until he opened his mouth and he sounded like a female. I immediately wondered which bathroom I was going direct him/her to, so I was hoping the hall pass would confirm his/her gender, but no such luck. The name on it was Cory. I didn't know it at the time but my boss was on the same page as I was and he immediately went to look up the students name and gender on the computer. Still not knowing he’d confirmed the sex of the student, I was afraid of the outcome when he directed him to the boy’s bathroom but soon realized he had called it correctly when the boy didn't flinch upon entering the boy’s restroom.

My second Pat encounter was a little more intense. There was no way I could've determined if this was a boy or girl on looks alone. He/She was sporting a very short haircut and wearing cargo pants and boots. I saw him/her approaching the table and thought to myself, please have a gender specific name! Bingo, we had a Jennifer! Mystery solved.

Then came the close call. I really didn't want her to be embarrassed by anyone mistaking her for a boy so I made sure that I had my eye on her when she came back out of the office with her paperwork and I pointed her towards the girl’s restroom. At about that time Joe spotted her and started heading towards her, not having a clue as to what was going on. He reached for her medical form and told her to follow him. I had just pointed her in the opposite direction so she became confused. To my credit I played it off well, or at least as well as I could. I said, "Joe, Joe, she's (with emphasis on the she) is going to the other restroom.” I had to repeat myself a few times before it finally dawned on him and he realized his error. He felt terrible. Admittedly we did laugh about the circumstances and how he’d mistaken her for a boy once she was long gone. We might have to come up with a code word or hand signal to prevent any future confusion because there are definitely more Pat’s in that school that will probably come our way.