Always Check Their Homework

I saw this on one of the blogs that I read and thought it was funny.

Homework:





Letter to Teacher:


Dear Mrs. Boddel,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told Sarah how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had. Then I found one more in the back room, and several people were fighting over who would get it.

Sarah's picture does NOT show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly,

Sincerely,
Mrs. Inkeles

Cujo and Chockitt Milk

We moved into our current house when Cassidy was three-years-old. I was a stay at home mom when the kids were younger and being that I stayed home with the kids, we were night owls. Lauren was also a night owl except during the school year.

Shortly after we got settled into this house I decided it was time to get the younger kids to bed a little earlier than they were accustomed to and on a more normal, balanced schedule. I was also going to try to reverse my natural night owl ways and also get myself into bed at a decent hour, which still probably wasn’t what most people would consider a decent hour.

Caden was easy to train for the new schedule. I could just lay him in his crib and he would fall asleep within 10 minutes. Cassidy, however, wasn’t exactly pleased about her new mandatory bedtime. She has always been strong-willed (most people call it stubborn), had a temper and was one to make it very well known if she wasn’t happy about something.

To make it easier on myself and to keep her from raising hell and waking everyone else up, I, at first, allowed her to go to bed with a movie on. (Yes, we had a three-year-old with a TV and VCR in her bedroom because that’s just how we roll). I would put the movie in, turn off all the lights in the house, go to bed and read for a while. I knew from past experience that if I stayed up, she would inevitably come into the living room asking for a snack or just wanting to hang out with me until the wee hours. (It’s in her genes to be a night owl)

When we first began the new schedule she started falling asleep during the movie and I’d usually go in and turn her TV off, but about a week or so into it she began waking back up in the middle of the night (like 2 or 3am) and coming into my room to wake me up. She would stand beside my bed and in a very deep and angry voice (picture Satan here) she would say, “I want Cujo and Chocolate milk”. (Pronunciation of chocolate = chockitt) Being the considerate wife that I am and knowing that Les had to get up early, I would lead her out of our room to go tend to her because she wasn’t exactly whispering her request to me.

In the beginning, I was so tired that I would oblige with her request. I didn’t want her to wake the whole house up and figured that she would go right back to sleep quickly since it was the middle of the night. I would walk her to the kitchen still half asleep, wait on her to finish her chockitt milk so I could put the movie back on, turn off the lights and go back to bed.

Unbeknownst to me I was creating a monster. Literally. This became her new routine for a few weeks before I’d finally had enough of these middle of the night wake up calls and decided they had to stop. I was going to enforce the one movie at bedtime rule and there would be no more middle of the night movie requests.

Trying to break Cassidy of this habit was like trying to take crack from a junkie. (Not that I know anything about that firsthand but I have seen movies!) She didn’t take it well at all.

The first night that I took a stand and broke it to her that she wasn’t getting “Cujo and chockitt milk” was not a pleasant experience for any of us. It was as if we had the exorcist visiting us here at our home during an exorcism. She woke the entire house. I think I saw her head spin a few times and green stuff spewing from her mouth at full speed. I’m pretty sure the neighbors came outside to see what the commotion was all about. Eventually, we put her in a straight jacket and tied her to her bed, but at least then we could all finally get some sleep. Nah, really, I just laid down in her bed with her and duct taped her mouth shut. After about a week of that she finally accepted her new bedtime rules. Ha! Are you wondering if that’s really true? No, but let’s just say it wasn’t a pleasant experience for any of us living in this house.

Moral of story: Benadryl has more than one purpose.

Just kidding. We all paid the price for at least a week. She eventually quit disrupting the entire house at 3am for “Cujo and chockitt milk” and started making her requests in daytime hours.

Fine Parenting as Revealed by a 3-Year-Old

The first movie that Cassidy ever actually sat still long enough to watch from beginning to end was called Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog, known in our family simply as “Yellow Dog”. She has been a dog lover since she was an infant, always trying to get as close as possible to our German shepherd, Chelsi. I can’t count how many teething biscuits she willingly shared with that dog while she sat in her walker giggling.

Yellow dog is about a boy and his yellow lab, named Yellow. After the boat they are on capsizes, the boy and his dog are stranded in the wilderness on their own until finally being rescued. Cassidy loved this movie beginning at the age of two. She would walk around asking to watch Yellow dog constantly. As a matter of fact, we bought it for her on DVD this year for Christmas. She probably hasn’t seen it in years but it was one of those things when I saw on DVD I just had to get for her.

Her love for real life dog movies continued as she broadened her horizons and started watching more dog movies. She also loved Homeward Bound. One weekend she went to stay with my mother-in-law, who back at that time was totally breaking the law by renting movies and copying them. She always had a huge selection of VHS movies that the kids or anyone else could choose from and borrow. We actually used to joke that she was worse than Blockbuster because if we borrowed any movies she always remembered exactly what we’d taken home and would be asking for them if we ever forgot to return them. She didn’t charge late fees so I guess she really wasn’t that bad!

When Cassidy had just turned three she returned home from a weekend visit with her grandma and now had a new favorite movie. Can you guess what dog movie it was? Here’s a hint: It’s a about a rabid dog that traps a mother and her young son inside their car when they arrive at an empty ranch house where the dog has already killed his owner. Ironically, the man was going to fix the woman’s car, which now will not start. The dog stalks them while they are stranded in their car and tries to kill them for two days every time they attempt to escape and run into the empty house. They almost die from the heat and having no food or water. They also sit in their car and watch helplessly as the dog mauls the sheriff to death. If you guessed Cujo, then you are correct. Yes, that would be the one!

At least give me some credit because I did make sure that Les edited out the sex scene in the beginning of the movie from Cassidy’s copy. (We got tired of getting up after the movie started to fast forward through it) See, I really do try and monitor what my children are exposed to. I just didn’t think a dog terrorizing and killing people was that bad.

Around this time we took the kids to an Astros game, back when they were still playing in the Astrodome. We sat behind a couple at the game who chatted with Cassidy throughout the game. They clearly thought she was cute and seemed to be amused with her. At one point the lady turned around and began asking her questions. What is your name? How old are you? Do you like the Astros? Does that cotton candy taste good? What is your favorite movie? To which Cassidy replied very clearly, CUJO! Judging by the expression and look of shock on the woman’s face I'm fairly certain she was expecting a bit of a different response from this sweet little girl, perhaps something more like Toy Story, Bambi or Cinderella. She left the lady speechless and I wanted to crawl under my chair. This might explain why I lost out on Mother of the Year in 1997.

I Can See Clearly Now

I never wore or needed glasses until I turned 38. Les didn’t either until he was also 38. For me, reading glasses were for “the elderly” and I absolutely refused to believe I needed them, even after the words on anything I was trying to read had become blurry.

After much reluctance on my part and Les’ insistence that I try out his glasses for reading, I broke down and gave them a try and they made a difference. I finally accepted the fact that I was indeed getting older and actually needed the dreaded reading glasses. At first it was only necessary at home and I kept a pair by the bed for reading. It wasn’t long until I started having issues at work on the computer and now keep a pair in my desk and also in my purse.

Les thinks I have an addiction to buying glasses now because I have accrued quiet a collection. I think I may own about 6 pair, maybe a few more. Is that really over the top? I think not. If I’m going to have to wear them I’d like to find a trendy pair and sometimes they don’t seem as flattering after I get them home. I haven’t yet splurged on a $20 pair but anytime I go into CVS, Walgreens or Wal-Mart, I can be found in the reading glasses section trying them on hoping to find a cute and stylish pair. I bought some Sarah Palin styled ones the other day.

Dollar General sells them for $5-$8 and they have some really cute ones. As a matter of fact, while out Christmas shopping Les and I stopped there to get some gift bags and both tried on reading glasses. We stood in front of the display case trying them on and comparing styles for a good ten minutes. It was then that I stopped and realized that we really were getting old. We were actually out shopping for reading glasses together. I’m thinking it can only good downhill from here. Next thing you know we’ll be out shopping for Fixodent and Depends.

Potty Training 101

During a recent walk down memory lane Les and I were reminiscing about the woes of potty training Caden. We'd taken much needed advice from many people being this was our first boy. We were told by some people to drop fruit loops into the toilet and to make a game of having him aim for them. It was also suggested to just let him go on a tree if he was outside playing since kids tend to wait until the last second to go and it's often too late. We were told that might help decrease the frequency of accidents during the training process and that he might think it was fun and less scary than being rushed to the toilet in a panic.

The yard thing worked really well at first, especially since the kids spent a lot of time out in the back yard when they were younger. He seemed to be catching on quickly, having fewer accidents and I had less wet laundry to do. However, it took us a while to “re-train” him and to teach him that whipping it out by the tree in the front yard or at the public park wasn’t really what we’d had in mind.

The potty training discussion brought to mind a story I’ve heard many times over the years about what my brother did shortly after he was potty trained, and I’d have to say I would gladly suffer the embarrassment of being the mom of the “tree peeing boy” over the mom of “insert brother’s incident here” any day.

So, as the story goes, my mom was in her late pregnancy with me. Her and my aunt had gone to do some shopping at Sears with my brother in tow, who was three-years-old at the time.

Does anyone remember when Sears had the display bathrooms all set up like real bathrooms way back when? They had real sinks, toilets and bathtubs and they were decorated to look just like a real bathroom. There were usually several of them set up in one section of the store and I remember being fascinated with them as a kid whenever we walked through them.

My mom and aunt were walking along shopping when they realized my brother had stopped and they turned around to look for him only to find him sitting down on one of those toilets with his pants down around his ankles going number two in the middle of Sears. My mom was so mortified and humiliated that just she kept on walking, leaving my poor aunt to go back and get him.

Don’t ask me whether there was toilet paper or if they ever told a store employee about the “clean up on aisle 9” because I don’t know. (Mom, care to fill in any missing details since you were actually there?)

I’m betting they headed straight to the car and got out of there as fast as they could and that some poor employee was not happy when he opened the lid and found that pleasant surprise.

Moral of the story: Boys will go anywhere when the urge hits them so always keep a hat and pair of dark sunglasses handy.

Karma

I’m a big believer in karma. I truly believe what comes around goes around and in time, whatever you’re dishing out, whether good or bad, you will get it back at some point down the road. That has often comforted me whenever I’ve been wronged! I know karma will take care of them.

Here’s a small example of karma at work.

A few weeks ago Lauren told me a story about going to Jack-in-the-Box. She had pulled into the drive-thru but there are two entrances feeding into the line. It usually works on the honor system unless you are trying to merge into line next to a jerk who won’t acknowledge that you’ve been waiting, too.

Anyhow, she was waiting for her turn to squeeze in and there was a lady who rolled her window down and motioned for Lauren to go on ahead of her. The lady was actually there first so Lauren rolled her window down and asked her if she was sure it was okay, then thanked her and got in front of her in the line.

When she got to the window she asked the cashier how much the tab was for the lady behind her and she paid for her food and the $7.00 tab for the nice lady behind her and left. That was a simple measure of kindness on Lauren’s part but it was still generous and thoughtful and I’m proud of her for doing it.

Lauren called me last night to tell me a story that happened to her and Boogie last night and I reminded her that it was her karma for the Jack-in-the-Box incident in which she had been generous to someone else.

Lauren and Boogie decided to go eat at a nice restaurant last night while they were in College Station. They had some extra Christmas cash and wanted to splurge so they went to a very restaurant where you sit in front of the cook and possibly share your table with other people. They were seated first and then a couple with a little girl and a man and his daughter joined them at the table. Lauren was next to the two little girls and started talking to them and a conversation began with all of them. One of the men saw Boogie’s ring and asked him about it and that led to a conversation about him going to play ball for Rice next year. Lauren said they were really nice people and they chatted on and off through dinner. When it was time for Lauren and Boogie to pay their ticket one of the men told the waiter to put their meal on his ticket. Of course, Lauren and Boogie tried to stop him and told him that was very nice of him to offer but not necessary, but he absolutely insisted. Boogie later tried to give the kids $20 for ice cream but the dad wouldn’t accept it. They said they just wanted to buy their dinner and thanked them for letting them join them at their table. Lauren was really touched and couldn’t get over complete strangers doing this, especially when they had ordered steak and lobster and their tab was $77! A pretty unexpected and nice surprise for two college kids, huh?

That’s karma, baby!

Happy New Year

We partied at my brother's (where firecrackers are legal) and taught the kids some stupid, I mean daring stunts (i.e. see picture of my brother running through the fireworks in his highly flammable Wyatt Earp looking western coat). We ate, played Taboo, laughed, sat around the fire and stayed entertained until, oh, about 6 this morning. Good times!

Happy New Year!